Good Sonic Games on the Horizon?

I would be lying if I said that when I was growing up, I was not a huge Sonic fantard. Now older and wiser, I probably still would be a big fan if not for the fact that Sonic games started sucking worse than a turbo wormhole-powered vacuum cleaner. However, I would also be lying if I said that I’m not excited for the two new Sonic games on the horizon: the aptly titled Sonic 4 and the newly-announced Sonic Colors. At first my hopes for Sonic 4 were at a normal low. “Oh boy,” I mumbled sarcastically, “another brand new game for the blue ball of suck. What’s the gimmick this time?”

As it turns out, my initial predictions were correct. The Xbox beta was leaked and people had quite a bit to say on a few things: the ho-hum music, the somewhat broken physics engine, the somewhat boring level design, the Act 2 gimmicks, and so on. But Sega did something here. They delayed the game. At first I thought little of it. After all, Sonic 2006 was delayed for PS3 and it ended up worse than the 360 version. But this game was not delayed to try in vain to clean a disgusting poopy they fished from the toilet; this game was delayed for “quality reasons.” Going into further detail, they actually wanted to FIX PROBLEMS THAT PEOPLE FOUND. UNHEARD OF. Specifically, problems people found with their broken physics, their annoying gimmicks, even their boring level design are supposedly being reworked as I type. This game is entering the second phase of the Sonic Cycle, and it seems to be diverging from the straight path it was running on before. We’ll see how I feel about this game as it nears release later this year.

Now. Sonic Colors. A game, newly announced, which is pure fodder for the Cycle at this point. Of course, it looks promising. “We promise to do away with prominent gimmicks” is their motto here. Some backstory: their thought for Sonic Heroes was “Let’s and teamwork elements! That’s a new thing!” It didn’t really work out (although this may in fact be due to the presence of Big the Cat; this theory needs research). For Shadow the Hedgehog, it was “Let’s add guns this time! It worked for Jak!” It sucked. Their thoughts for THE GAME WHICH I ALREADY NAMED ONCE IN THIS ARTICLE AND SHALL NOT REFERENCE AGAIN was “Let’s just throw a whole bunch of shit in there and tie it together with a plot including a love interest (human of course) and time travel (which, unless you’re the BBC, is never a good idea).” Awful. The worst. Sonic Unleashed: “Yeah, let’s just throw werewolves in there I guess. It worked for Link.” At best it was not boring; at worst, well…For Sonic and the Black Knight: “SWORDS WOO PLEASE KILL ME NOW.” I’m guessing you know how that turned out. The handhelds and those console games with less prominent gimmicks (the Advance and Rush games, Secret Rings) turned out better (or playable, at least).

So, Sonic Colors. “We don’t want stupid gimmicks. Sonic-speed all the time. Let’s put in temporary power-ups! It worked for Mario!” Sure, it’s no sword, but it’s not simple Sonic action to be sure. However, as I mentioned, Mario did it in Galaxy and that worked out well. Still, I doubt Sonic Team can pull out such good ideas from their collective brain, because they’ll probably reach for the ass instead. But unlike before I have some hope. The level design has actual

Colors?

branching paths, hidden elements, and new ideas. The developers seem confident that this time Sonic will truly “return to his roots” (a phrase, which, for the uninitiated, they have been using with almost every game since 2004). They actually recognize, or say they recognize, that Sonic’s been under-performing as of late. However (there’s that word again, Sonic Team is all about buts, isn’t it?), I do have to admit this gimmick is less prominent than man-pigs or guns and motorcycles.

Has Sega finally learned from their mistakes? Well, to put it this way, the Sonic franchise has rabies. Your beloved childhood pet the Sonic franchise is trying to kill you. A few years ago daddy handed you a shotgun and said, “Billy, I’m leaving it up to you.” To put it succinctly, you’re a pussy, and you still haven’t taken poor the Sonic franchise out back. And look what it’s done. It tore up your house. It chased after you countless times with those evil blood-hungry eyes. And you look at it with tears in your eyes, and you look down at that shotgun in your hands, and you say, “I’m sorry the Sonic franchise, but it has to happen this way.” You click off the safety. Your finger rests on the trigger. Sweat pouring down your brow, you take aim. Suddenly, daddy comes running forward and says, “Now wait just a minute there, Billy buddy, the doc just came through with a miracle cure.” You thank the heavens, and you wipe the sweat from your brow, but you can’t put down the gun; not after all the things the Sonic franchise has done. Will that vaccine really be all it takes to clear the pox from your beloved the Sonic franchise? You lean in with cautious excitement and wait.