The truth about Rice Krispies

Okay. So. I know this might jeopardize my chances to ever be taken seriously ever again, but I saw it. I saw the truth that fateful morning several days ago. But, here it is: Rice Krispies consist of chopped-off elf dong. The tell-tale popping sounds come from their magical properties. Snap, Crackle, and Pop themselves are in charge of the whole operation, and I bet Pop was the first one whose kids were sacrificed to breakfast cereally goodness. Hell, there’s even a spinoff cereal in England called “Ricicles.”

But seriously, the next time you look at your Rice Krispies, I bet you will see tiny elf cock staring back at you. Don’t feel bad about eating elf dicks though, because that’s what they would want you to do. I apologize for this blog post, but something had to be said. It’s like the FedEx arrow. Once it’s seen, it can never be unseen.

Rice Krispies is elves(‘ penis)!